If I Told You
by Crimson Skies
Summary: Riku's last thoughts before the end of the game. Companion fic to One Step Ahead. RikuSora. Oneshot. Slight Angst.


**Disclaimer – I don't own Kingdom Hearts**

**If I Told You**

**By Crimson Skies**

**_I asked you once how long we've been friends. _**

_You thought for a minute, head cocked to the side with a small frown on your face. Then you grinned and admitted "It's been so long I don't even remember now." I'll confess I was a bit upset. I remember perfectly._

**_And then you laughed. _**

_My breath caught in my throat and I completely forgot what I was about to say. It was then, I think. I can see it clearly. Your head tilted back in the sun, that silly grin on your face, eyes half-shut against the harsh light. And suddenly I knew. _

**_I loved you. _**

_But as I sat there, staring like the idiot I am, I realized I couldn't tell you. So instead I let the moment fill me and laughed with you. Besides, I could always blame the water in my eyes on the sun and you'd believe me. "Hey," I said, "You up for a duel?" You eagerly grabbed your sword from where it lay beside you. _

**_That was two years ago. _**

_Now we're here again, leaning against the very same tree, against the very same island. In two years, nothing has changed. I watch you from the corner of my eye. Sure, we're older now. Our interests have changed and our looks have changed. But you still can't beat me in a fight._

**_And I still love you. _**

_I thought at first that maybe it was just a phase. You know, that thing they call puppy love. But over time I realized that it was more than that. And the difference was simple. I wanted to care. I wanted to love you. _

**_Simple, right?_**

I absently batted away another of the heartless. I couldn't think about that, not now. The eerie mixing of light and darkness was disorienting, and I had a job to do. Another heartless pounced and I sliced through it with ease. These heartless were, simply put, cannon fodder. They were very basic creatures: a head, a body, two legs, two arms. No, they were not hard to defeat at all.

But they were numerous. In twenty minutes I'll have twice as many injuries and less than half my current stamina left. It doesn't matter though. I just have to hold out long enough for you and King Mickey to seal the door. I'll admit that I'm scared. Fear of the unknown. At one time I wasn't afraid, of the unknown or of the darkness. I was fearless.

I thought I was brave, to face the darkness unafraid. I know now that bravery isn't a lack of fear. Bravery is being afraid of what you must do and then doing it anyway. I suppose that was something you knew instinctively, from the very beginning. That night, your eyes seemed so scared as I held out my hand to you. But you reached for me anyway.

I was foolish. I know better now. There are reasons to fear the darkness, good ones. I learned my lesson well and I won't make the same mistake again. But those lessons were costly. I nearly lost myself. I nearly lost you. Ansem claimed that one who knows nothing can understand nothing. I now think that he was, perhaps, the greatest fool of us all.

You see, some things aren't meant to be understood in the conventional sense. I think that some things you just have to admit you don't understand and accept them anyway. Like your unwavering faith in me. I don't understand it. After all I've done and said out of jealousy and insecurity you still believed in me. And when Ansem took control you knew immediately it wasn't me.

I find it so incredible that you can notice so much and still remain oblivious to some things. And I should really stop letting my thoughts wander. It was only by luck that I avoided being mauled just now. But the truth is, as long as I don't know how much longer I've got, I want to keep thinking of you. Stupid? Yeah. But you and I know all about my faults already, don't we?

I still don't know if I can forgive myself, but I take some consolation in the fact that you don't blame me. When I looked in your eyes for the last time, I searched desperately for a trace of forgiveness. And I didn't find any. The message in your eyes broke my heart. There was no forgiveness in them because you didn't feel there was anything to forgive. And now I don't know if I can forgive myself.

And now I'm regretting that I didn't have the courage to tell you. The last thing I said to you was "take care of her". We both know who I meant. And I know you will. You always keep your promises. And she'll take care of you too. She loves you, I know. It was easy for me to see. You see? You can be happy without me. But right now, I still wish I'd been able to say "I love you", but I know that even if I had…

**_But even if I told you…_**

_It was just an average day, the same as all the others. I don't know what possessed me then. Looking back, maybe I should have taken the feeling more seriously. It was exactly one week before the heartless came, after all. _

**_…even if I told you…_**

_It was dusk. The setting sun had painted the waters and the island in shades of red and orange. You and I were sitting on the end of the dock, watching as the stars came out. And as we rose to leave…_

**_…told you that I love you…_**

_"Hey Sora?"__ I said, stopping. He took a few more steps until he was even with me before replying._

_"Yeah?"_

_"I love you…" I told him. It came out as a simple fact. Like "the sky is blue". But at the time the sky wasn't blue, it was orange…_

_"I love you too, Riku," he replied, grinning. Slinging an arm over my shoulders, he propelled us towards the boats. _

**_…I don't think you'd quite understand…_**


End file.
